Lewes Forum thread

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screaming kids

On 25 Sep 2014 at 2:35pm aaaarrgh wrote:
I'm normally very tolerant towards children (I have two myself), but why do people insist on taking active toddlers and babies to cafes for long periods of time ? I've just spent the last half hour listening to two little ones crying and wailing in the Buttercup cafe whilst the parents did little to mollify them. One of the kids was really screaming. (I don't blame the child, I blame the parents for both overindulging tantrums, or not paying their kids enough positive attention). If your child is making that much noise (and isn't in pain) take it out for walk and calm it down/ get it off to sleep. Don't expect it to go away if you ignore it.
On another recent visit to the Buttercup, five mothers with large buggies crowded round one table with their grizzling babies and not one of the mothers looked happy - they were all too busy trying to tend to their kids, who were all obviously (to my eye) tired and wanting to bed or hungry.
Do babies get any routine these days or is it all centred around their parents' social lives? Do coffee morning have to take place in small cafes with aisles and open areas dominated by buggies and prams ? It doesn't seem to be a pleasurable experience for anyone - the babies, the parents, or the other customers.
As a young parent you don't get much of a social life, but please - for the sake of your kids and other people, take your crying children out of cafes and back to your own homes or to a playgroup, park, swings etc. Cafes and restaurants are not children's play areas. Kids need to be taught how to behave in them and parents/ carers need to be considerate of other people, who may not love to hear as much of little Jonny's crying as you do.
On 25 Sep 2014 at 3:14pm Mme B wrote:
I so agree with you. One thing that is bound to cause problems in the future is a) buggies which do not face the mother so there cannot be the eye contact which a baby or child needs, and b) mothers who don't bother to make eye contact anyway but stride along, pushing the buggy, with a mobile phone clamped to their ear, talking at the top of their voice to their invisible friend and making no effort to bond with the baby. They are storing up trouble for the future.
As to the question of noise, I would like to mention supermarkets and churches. Back in my day, admittedly a long time ago, if our child made a noise we took them out of the building until they were quiet. All right, it may be inconvenient for the mother, but it is teaching the child appropriate behaviour. Also, I have often seen mothers look on in supermarkets while their offspring handle the food on display, which other people will have to buy. If, in the absence of a mother in the offing, you politely suggest to the child that they should not do that, the mother will magically appear as if in fear of a paedophile. Time to teach children good manners. Don't expect to leave it all to the schools.
On 25 Sep 2014 at 5:02pm trooper wrote:
"Mme B" You make the comment that it is time to teach children good manners, agreed, but I fear that you are asking for a concept that many adults do not understand,and would much rather leave it to the schools. In regard to remonstrating with other peoples children,do not go there, it is a near death experience.
On 25 Sep 2014 at 6:08pm Anna wrote:
Yes, i Think there is a Wave of child upbringing that is very earthy/hippie and tend to let the child decide what to do. Seems as if those parent believe the child should roam free and not have boundaries imposed on them. But feel sorry for the children, they need limits.
On 25 Sep 2014 at 8:11pm Horseman7 wrote:
I find myself getting increasingly irritated by noisy, badly behaved babies and toddlers. However I think the explanation may be very simple - I'm just getting old and crotchety.
On 25 Sep 2014 at 9:53pm Can't say for fear of re wrote:
It is mobile phones. Mum will push their prams into the streets as they chat/text on phones. That used to be bonding time where mums "hung out" with their kids. Now, mum's want to be individuals with their own needs and desires. They now are, if they want to be; but kids ARE NOT happy about it!
On 25 Sep 2014 at 10:53pm Mavis wrote:
That's exactly why I always check out the current clientele in any coffee shop/restaurant before part-taking there, and NEVER go to the Buttercup for that very reason !
Plus, more and more Mothers refuse to use the word NO to their child anymore !! Thus avoiding any negativity for their poor darlings. its just storing up trouble if you ask me. (Mother of 3)
On 26 Sep 2014 at 8:17am ducatipete wrote:
New generation parents typical of Lewes. Joined up thinking etc. Kids trying to express themselves and such balls.
On 26 Sep 2014 at 11:47am Alex Robinson wrote:
I hate seeing this as well. I recently saw a woman pushing a very new baby around a supermarket. The baby was screaming and it was obvious it needed to be at least picked up, if not fed and she just ignored it and was looking at her phone.
Obviously, a new born doesn't understand that shopping needs to be done. I'm not sure what the solution is. I think part of it is because we're maybe having babies later? So are more used to being in control of our lives. I also think we're so aware of not making the mistakes of previous generations, with regards to smacking etc, that we go too far and ignore everything that we were told about bringing up babies. We've forgotten how to rely on our instincts and get everything from a book or social media.
At the end of the day if you let your child get away with everything, it's not fair on them. I've often seen children misbehaving or having a tantrum and their parents are trying to reason with them. Our children need our guidance and boundaries.
Ha, I feel like a grumpy old woman but I have two children who often have friends round who behave really badly and I really hope my two don't behave like that at other people's houses.
On 26 Sep 2014 at 12:39pm sigh….. wrote:
so easy to judge from afar right…..
On 26 Sep 2014 at 2:37pm trooper wrote:
"sigh" Would you care to expand on your one line reply ??
On 26 Sep 2014 at 3:10pm Badger wrote:
Funny how most of the people complaining on this thread are the generation that brought up the parents that are 'doing so badly' today... Hmmm... maybe YOU brought YOUR generation up wrong so now they don't know how to parent properly.
On 26 Sep 2014 at 3:34pm aaargh wrote:
My kids are now 14 and 18. There was absolutely no question of them being allowed to create a scene in public or running riot in shops as toddlers - if they tried to they were removed from where ever it was until they had calmed down (even friend's birthday parties, much to their chagrin), even if that meant I had to leave a coffee morning or a shop or playgroup. They were given firm boundaries and reminders of how to behave where ever they were. And they were not rewarded with sweets of phones to keep them quiet if they were behaving badly. Parents need to get a balance between total indulgence and rigidity but also to realise that we are in charge of our childrens' guidance until they are mature enough to know how to to conduct themselves. We also had lots of fun with our kids and spent hours playing with them in parks, taking them to art shows, children's theatre, swimming, films etc etc. And we gave them masses (and still do) of love and positive messages, without telling them they are 'brilliant' at everything they do. Of course they weren't angels and kids rebel and 'test the boundaries' at all ages, but the point is that they don't control or destroy those boundaries. And you have to keep reaffirming them and changing them as they grow up, according to their maturity.
Our kids have told us they are surprised by the sort of behaviour some of their friends are allowed to get away with and how lax other parents are - but they are on the whole appreciate that we were firm with them when they were little and don't feel they have missed out at all.
I also think it leads to low self esteem when kids are allowed to set the rules, but that's a whole new debate.
On 28 Sep 2014 at 8:52am Tipex wrote:
I think it's all too easy to judge from the sidelines. While a minority of parents may not give their kids the attention and boundaries they certainly need, mums (and dads) need to get out of the house for their sanity. Occasionally they may, like everyone, need to make a phone call while pushing a buggy. There's always a bigger picture (I'll sit back now and watch the "thumbs down" flood in...).
On 30 Sep 2014 at 7:46pm Hoveguy wrote:
I travelled by bus from Brighton today and a woman got on with a small child, which screamed loudly all the way to Lewes. It was not in pain. In fact it appeared to be quite happy, while the mother did not make any attempt to keep him quiet. It won't be long before that boy will grow into a copy of a teenage version, sitting at the back, with his feet up on the seat in front, reading his text messages all the way. The only time he removed them was when an inspector came round to check tickets. He soon put them back again when the inspector left. Today's spoilt brats are tomorrow's thugs.

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