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The Law of the Bible

 
 
On 1 Sep 2010 at 5:24pm Penguin wrote:
Those who entered into the recent debates about religion might be interested in the following which I stumbled across on the internet, entitled 'Why Can't I Own a Canadian?'

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

 
 
On 1 Sep 2010 at 5:45pm stan wrote:
that one has been around for years. It is quite funny I agree. You now risk starting a whole new debate around pre and post millenial tribulationism and the name of John Nelson Darby may be heard. I'll have a beer instead.
 
 
On 1 Sep 2010 at 7:14pm jrsussex wrote:
Penguin - It is funny, it has however been around for a while. But staying with religion I was asked on Monday why doesn't the bible have an index? The person asking said she occasionally wanted to read bible stories to her children but didn't know where to find them in the good book. Not something I have ever thought about and don't know the answer. Does anyone know why the bible does not have an index?
 
 
On 1 Sep 2010 at 8:07pm Clifford wrote:
As a good atheist I have to tell you there is a form of index called a concordance. Google Bible concordance and you'll find an online one.
 
 
On 2 Sep 2010 at 8:37am 'ere be monsters wrote:
Isaiah 36:12 (King James Version) cracked me up as a kid forced to read the bible.
 
 
On 2 Sep 2010 at 9:16am Penguin wrote:
Guessed it must have been around for a while as I remember seeing it (or something similar) a few years ago. Just happened to find it again and thought maybe it was appropriate to the discussions that have gone on as it illustrates the absurdity of it all.
 
 
On 2 Sep 2010 at 9:37am jrsussex wrote:
Clifford - The mum concerned has just spoken to me and ask to thank you. Just what she wanted.
 
 
On 2 Sep 2010 at 1:14pm TAFKAPS wrote:
.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11161493 put the usual w's in front of the link
There is no God, now lets crack on with life..................


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