Lewes Forum thread

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Joke of the week

On 16 Oct 2012 at 9:21pm Popeye wrote:
Paddy phoned up the police and said, there is a sandwich outside my front door with some wires sticking out of it and I am worried it might be a bomb. The policeman said, is it ticking? Paddy replied, no I think it's beef.
On 16 Oct 2012 at 9:26pm BETTER JOKE wrote:
A man walked into a bar and said I'm the biggest liar ever some other man said no I'm the biggest liar ever the first liar says I went over niagra falls in a barrel last week the second liar says I know I saw you!
On 16 Oct 2012 at 9:42pm expat two wrote:
That's going straight on my FB status.
On 17 Oct 2012 at 7:02am Sceptic wrote:
Jimmy Seville outfit for sale complete with cigar, ideal for Halloween. If this doesn't scare the little F@@kers nothing will.
On 17 Oct 2012 at 3:04pm Andrew wrote:
Who's Jimmy Seville? Some orange bloke?
On 17 Oct 2012 at 3:48pm Irrelevant Steve wrote:
Two badgers walk into a bar, one says to the barman "Can I have a pint of lager please?" The other says "And me, same for me please". The barman looks at the badgers and says "Sure. Are you paying together or separately?" The first badger replies "Oh, I'll get these, you get the next one", nodding towards the second badger. The second badger then says "OK, that's cool, I'll grab a seat", and the barman says "That'll be £6.50 please" (he'd been pouring the drinks as the conversation progressed).
On 17 Oct 2012 at 10:33pm Looking thru the eye wrote:
Do badgers live past the age of 18 or was it Becks Blue they were ordering and you not being specific?
On 18 Oct 2012 at 1:19pm Geoff wrote:
Badgers are short-legged omnivores in the weasel family, Mustelidae. The 11 species of badger are grouped in three subfamilies: Melinae (9 Eurasian badgers), Mellivorinae (the ratel) and Taxideinae (the American badger). The Asiatic Stink badgers of the genus Mydaus were formerly included within Melinae (and thus Mustelidae), but recent genetic evidence[1] indicates these are actually members of the skunk family, placing them in the taxonomic family Mephitidae.
Badgers include the species in the genera Meles, Arctonyx, Taxidea and Mellivora. Their lower jaws are articulated to the upper by means of transverse condyles firmly locked into long cavities of the skull, so dislocation of the jaw is all but impossible. This enables the badgers to maintain their hold with the utmost tenacity, but limits jaw movement to hinging open and shut, or sliding from side to side without the twisting movement possible for the jaws of most mammals.
Badgers have rather short, fat bodies, with short legs built for digging. They have elongated weasel-like heads with small ears. Their tails vary in length depending on species; the stink badger has a very short tail, while the ferret badger's tail can be 18 to 20 inches (46 to 51 cm) long, depending on age. They have black faces with distinctive white markings, gray bodies with a light-colored stripe from head to tail, and dark legs with light colored stomachs. They grow to around 35 inches (89 cm) in length including tail. The European badger is one of the largest; the American badger, the hog badger and the honey badger are generally a little smaller and lighter. The stink badgers are smaller still, and the ferret badgers are the smallest of all. They weigh around 20â??24 pounds (9.1â??11 kg) on average, with some Eurasian badgers weighing in at around 40 pounds (18 kg).[2][3]
On 18 Oct 2012 at 2:46pm Keep asking him wrote:
A link would have done but I guess copy and paste is a tad quicker. Thanks anyway
On 18 Oct 2012 at 3:37pm Penguin wrote:
Asiatic Stink Badger! What a great name.
On 18 Oct 2012 at 3:50pm Colin wrote:
Badgers can live for up to 14 years
On 18 Oct 2012 at 5:07pm Bob Fleming wrote:
If they stopped using cats eyes and used badgers eyes instead, it would save having to paint all the white lines down the middle of the road.
On 18 Oct 2012 at 8:08pm Pete wrote:
I prefer Beavers.

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Lewes Bonfire Pope and Cardinals 59:132
Lewes Bonfire Pope and Cardinals

She’s going to have to get there early and park on the outskirts
And still pee off the local residents
There’s no cheap... more
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