Lewes Forum thread

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It's the (clean, christian) Friday Joke Thread!

 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 12:53am Mushy Pea wrote:

Be nice. Keep it clean and politically correct so no one complains.
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The Athiest in the Woods
An atheist was walking through the woods, thinking to himself,
"How beautiful the animals are!"
"How majestic the trees are!"
"How powerful the rivers are!"
As he walked along the river, he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned and saw an 8-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran along the path as fast as he could, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He kept running, but when he looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. Then he tripped and fell on the ground. The bear was right on top of him with his right paw raised to strike him. At that instant, the atheist cried, "God help me!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
A bright light shone upon the man and a voice from the sky said, "You've denied my existence for all these years and have taught others that I don't exist. You've even credited creation to a cosmic accident. Why would you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Are you now a believer?"
The atheist looked into the light and said, "Well, I would be hypocrite to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but could you, maybe, make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very Well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The bear lowered his right paw and brought both paws together. He bowed his head, and said: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from Your bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 1:18am expat wrote:
There were two prawns swimming along one day, their names were Thomas and Christian.
Thomas said to Christian "mate i'm so sick of being a prawn! we are at the bottom of the food chain, we get picked on and we can't swim fast, I'm going to do something about it."
So Thomas went off to find the magical Cod, who lived deep in the ocean. he searched and finally Thomas found the Cod.
He said "Cod, I am sick of being a Prawn, we are at the bottom of the food chain, we cant swim fast and i'm sick of it, can you help me??"
The Cod replied "Of course, I am a magical Cod" so he turned Thomas into a shark.
Thomas was so excited he swam quickly back to the prawn community to find his mate Christian.
As soon as Christian saw Thomas he screamed and swam into his house and locked the door.
"Christian, its me Thomas, cod turned me into a shark, but im still your mate!"
"Go away Thomas, you will eat me" replied Christian.
So poor Thomas swam away, alone, as his friends and family didn't want to know him anymore.
So Thomas searched and searched the ocean for magical Cod to change him back, as he was so alone. After a long search, he found the Cod, and luckily the Cod changed him back.
Thomas quicky swam back to Christian's house and banged on the door "Christian, its me Thomas!" he yelled.
Christian yelled back "Go away Thomas, you're a shark! you will eat me!"
Thomas replied "No! I'm a prawn again Christian! I found Cod!"
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 1:28am Sweet Carrot wrote:

Formula
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 8:33am joker wrote:
JADE GOODY ...........


JOKES ARE NOW FINISHED....
SEE YOU THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD RUINED YOUR CHRISTIAN THREAD ..
HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 9:11am Jack Tweed wrote:
For sale. Hair dryer. As new. £10 ono
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 9:41am Geoff wrote:
Sweet carrot, you're about a week early.
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 10:00am The real joker wrote:
What do you call a leper in a windtunnel?
Confetti.
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 10:03am The real joker wrote:
A Friends of the Earth activist is concerned that her boyfriend doesn't share her same passion for the world, the environment and nature.
"Don't be daft!" he says, "Everything I see reminds me of nature."
She says "Really. . .like what?"
"Well...your pussy reminds me of a gutted trout and your mum's looks like a hippo yawning"
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 12:31pm Hugh Janus wrote:
Boycott shampoo! Demand REAL poo!
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 12:40pm Dwayne Pipe wrote:
What's the difference between a cross-country run and Jamie Oliver?
One's a pant in the country, and the other...
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 12:54pm Tommy Cooper wrote:
A blind man asked me to check his balance
so I pushed him over....
 
 
On 27 Mar 2009 at 2:58pm Benedikt wrote:

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.


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