On 8 May 2009 at 10:21am May contain fish wrote:
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well...", said the pirate, "..it was my first day with the hook."
On 8 May 2009 at 11:06am trixy wrote:
LOL that was a great joke !!!!!!!bring em on!!!!!!
On 8 May 2009 at 2:22pm Toque wrote:
Gordon Brown pays his cleaner £3,000 per year at a rate of 25 an hour to clean his spare flat, and throws in a generous 4 weeks a year paid holiday. Oh wait...that's not a joke.
On 8 May 2009 at 3:22pm trixy wrote:
LOL Toque ........ At Least you tried....... 
On 8 May 2009 at 7:49pm northern bigot wrote:
Katie Price (JORDAN) while in the USA, spends many mornings by the pool. She likes a good length, she quite likes to swim as well!
On 8 May 2009 at 11:49pm Tommy Cooper wrote:
I went to the doctors with a jelly stuck in one ear and custard in the other. The doctor asked, 'what seems to be the problem?' I said 'you have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf.'
On 8 May 2009 at 11:53pm And again... wrote:
A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age. 'The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well. '
On 8 May 2009 at 11:54pm Just one more... wrote:
Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
On 8 May 2009 at 11:55pm Nitey Nite... wrote:
A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'
On 9 May 2009 at 2:57pm GraveDancer wrote:
About a month before my grandfather died the nurse spread a thick layer of axle grease over his back.
He went downhill quite quickly after that!
On 9 May 2009 at 4:40pm Tommy Cooper wrote:
I said to the waiter, I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'.
He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'.
'Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'.
He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'
On 9 May 2009 at 4:45pm One more wrote:
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
On 9 May 2009 at 4:47pm Almost there wrote:
I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?'
The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?'
I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.
On 9 May 2009 at 4:52pm Last one. wrote:
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my pants."