On 16 Sep 2015 at 11:47am Religious Correspondent. wrote:
The Almighty God has today announced he will no longer save the Queen because Jeremy Corbyn didn’t sing a nice song asking him to.
God has taken steps after new Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn refused to sing a song to an entity he doesn’t believe exists, about a woman whose job he thinks shouldn’t.
Speaking through his representative on earth, God told reporters, “Look, I exist, I know that, and now so do you, so I’ll just continue to look after those who plead to be protected, and those who please me.”
“Which is why we have prayers and songs and stuff, so you can ask me nicely to save you from me killing you. If you ask really nicely you get to live forever like all those people I made immortal.”
“No, I can’t name one of those people off the top of my head right this second.”
“Anyway, seeing as this Corbyn fellow didn’t sing that song, I don’t see why I should continue to save the Queen for you mortal peasants?”
“I’m not saying I’m going have her struck by lightning or anything, but if I was her I wouldn’t go crossing any busy roads this week.”
Monarchists have supported God’s position, claiming that perpetual pleas to an omnipotent deity are the only things keeping her alive.
Royal family supporter Simon Williams told us, “I heard what God had to say, so if the Queen dies in the next few weeks, just remember whose fault it is.”
“Jeremy firking Corbyn.”
“Well, unless Charles has a flaky alibi, obviously.”
On 16 Sep 2015 at 1:39pm Mark wrote:
Worry not. He will sing next time - he is not a man of his principles.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 1:54pm Sussex Jim wrote:
I think God is prepared to save anyone. Even non-believing communists.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 6:16pm Curate wrote:
Mark and Jim, good points well made. RC an amusing piece of lampoonery particularly if from your own hand, not cut and pasted.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 6:45pm newsthump wrote:
its a cut and paste from our website. At least give a credit !!!
On 16 Sep 2015 at 6:47pm Curate wrote:
The truth will out.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 8:00pm Atheist wrote:
Never mind eh? After all, God is made up nonsense.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 8:04pm Atheist wrote:
"Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest."
On 16 Sep 2015 at 8:30pm Did e rot? wrote:
or did e go to hell?
On 16 Sep 2015 at 8:41pm Cliffe wrote:
If I'd been there I wouldn't have sung either. Glorifying our unelected sponger while romantically remembering the good old days of death, destruction and the slaughter of millions isn't really my thing. Dulce et decorum etc.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 9:42pm Tory twerp wrote:
What a disgusting display of ignorance from Corbyn thankfully he will never be pm in my lifetime he will make this country a laughing stock as he is his party
On 16 Sep 2015 at 9:49pm swivel-eyed bigot wrote:
I think he should be put on trial for treason.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 10:07pm Tipex wrote:
Tory - we're already a laughing stock and have been for decades.
On 16 Sep 2015 at 10:23pm Biggle eyed swivot wrote:
Then hung, drawn,boiled drizzled with balsamic vinegar and stuffed with capers and red peppers,cooked in a slow oven for four hours then served with wild rice and washed down with a chilled organic Zinfandel.
On 17 Sep 2015 at 1:14am swivel-eyed bigot wrote:
Vodka more like. The peference of his neo-soviet overlords