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Friday Joke Thread

On 7 Jan 2011 at 1:20pm joker wrote:
What's the Australian definition of optimistic?

A batsman who uses sunblock.
On 7 Jan 2011 at 1:22pm joker wrote:
What do you call an Australian who can handle a bat?

A vet.
On 7 Jan 2011 at 2:18pm Newmania wrote:
An Englishman and Irishman and an Austrlian walk into a bar
The Barman says "Is this some kind of joke ?"
Why wasnt` Jesus born in Sydney?
They couldn`t find three wise men or a virgin
Whats the difference between the G Spot and a Golf ball
Australian men will try to find the golf ball
Not cricket related I know but still ...
On 7 Jan 2011 at 4:25pm jrsussex wrote:
There were two cats. One was called One-Two-Three and the other was called Un-Deux-Trois. They decided to test who had the greatest stamina by swimming the channel from England to France to see who would win. One-Two-Three did of course because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cing.
After the death of Mozart the town drunkard heard strange noises coming from the burial site. Terrified, he ran to fetch the priest, who knelt down close to the headstone and heard some faint music. The priest announced , ?that?s Mozart?s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards. And there?s the Eight, the Seventh and the Sixth. ?There?s nothing to worry about? said the priest ?It?s just Mozart decomposing.?
On 7 Jan 2011 at 4:33pm joker wrote:
A prestigious cardiologist died and was given a very elaborate funeral by the hospital he worked for most of his life.

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service as all the doctors from the hospital sat in awe.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners just burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I am so sorry, ... but I'm a gynaecologist."
On 7 Jan 2011 at 6:37pm drone wrote:
What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of champagne in his hand?
The waiter.
On 7 Jan 2011 at 9:59pm Vesbod wrote:
What is a leprechaun ?
An Australian with all the b@llsh@t squeezed out if him !
On 7 Jan 2011 at 11:16pm jrsussex wrote:
News that the latest from the Japanese electronics industry is the surgical truss-cum-calculator, which means that you can count on your own support.
In an interview on TV tonight, Jennifer Lopez confessed to having a selfish streak - she did it at 4 o?clock in the morning when most of us were fast asleep.
On 8 Jan 2011 at 8:56am Applecart wrote:
Sorry my submissions are a day late....
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
Mummy, Mummy, why is Daddy running round in circles?
Be quiet while I nail his other foot to the floor!
Mummy, Mummy, why is Daddy zig zagging down the garden?
Shut up and reload!
Mummy, Mummy, my friends at school keep calling me a vampire.
Just ignore them dear and eat your soup before it clots.

On 8 Jan 2011 at 12:50pm MC wrote:
Hmm... They're going to take me away if I read many more of these in public places.
On 8 Jan 2011 at 1:43pm Boo Khaki wrote:
Heard that Elton John was changing the littl'uns nappy and he turned to his "husband" and said "awww! he reminds me SOOO much of you"'
"Why is that ?" asked David, "his cheeky little smile...?"
"not that", Elton replied,
"must be his cute lickle nosey wosey then" suggested David, again Elton said no
"is it the color of his eyes then?" questioned David.
"Not that either" said Elton
"Well what on earth about him reminds you of me then?" David questioned.
"He's got sh1t on his dick!"
On 8 Jan 2011 at 2:46pm Deelite wrote:
Yuck. Didn't enjoy reading that one.
On 9 Jan 2011 at 2:06am Boo Khaki wrote:
bet you did!!
right up until the last line
so in terms of a letter count you dislike a fraction of 1% of it
stop yer whinging
On 9 Jan 2011 at 7:56pm popeye wrote:
The biggest joke on this thread is Boo Khaki. I bet he got really turned on writing that.
On 9 Jan 2011 at 8:23pm Deelit wrote:
It leaves more than 1% bad taste.
On 11 Jan 2011 at 2:27pm teacher wrote:
Whats the difference between Boo Khaki and dog poo. Not a lot!

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Willeys Bridge 131:132
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This is a sad and infuriating subject, as so much misinformation is pushed, and the far-right lap it up as their truth. I was... more
I like the Walking to Mount Caburn at the weekend, Lounging about in Southover Grange Gardens eating strawberry ice cream in summertime, Proms in the Paddock, wicked night
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