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Friday Joke Thread

On 17 Dec 2009 at 4:09pm Smiler wrote:
I know it a bit early but...
Two snowmen are standing next to one another.
One asks the other, Hey, is it just me, or do you smell carrots, too?
On 17 Dec 2009 at 4:14pm Toque wrote:
Two snowmen are standing in a field.
One says to the other "I wonder what it is like to fly in the clouds above"
The other exclaims "F**k me, a talking snowman!"
On 17 Dec 2009 at 4:17pm Joker wrote:
What do parking spaces and girls at parties have in common?
On 17 Dec 2009 at 4:18pm Joker wrote:
If you turn up late all the good ones are taken so when no one is looking you stick it in the disabled one!
On 17 Dec 2009 at 4:39pm Toque wrote:
Why did the snowman go to the middle of the lake?
Because snowman is an island!
On 17 Dec 2009 at 6:23pm 40 something wrote:
One snowman said to another snowman "Can you smell carrots?"
On 17 Dec 2009 at 9:21pm Spinster Of This Parish wrote:
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there? The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a womans breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions".
"Onions?" questions the son
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry" quips the father.
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree".
"A Christmas tree?" asks the daughter
Mother replies, "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only".

On 17 Dec 2009 at 9:34pm Snowman wrote:
Speaking personally I can't smell a thing; too bl00dy dark too in my opinion black as coal wherever I look.
On 17 Dec 2009 at 10:35pm The Original Joker. wrote:
You know its christmas when you have to defrost your hand before you have a w**k...
On 18 Dec 2009 at 5:06pm Annette Curtin-Twitcher wrote:
I went into Wyevales today to buy a Christmas tree. The man who carried it to the car for me asked if I'd be putting it up myself.
I told him that was sick and I'd be putting it in the living room, same as usual.
On 18 Dec 2009 at 6:41pm Kat Funt wrote:
Christmas trees are just like breasts.
The fake ones are always prettier
On 18 Dec 2009 at 8:41pm popeye wrote:
This guy who was single emigrated to australia. A few days before christmas he received a phone call from a neighbour who he had not met before asking him over to a christmas party. he said there will be lots of drinking lots of food and lots of sex. After that there will be a big orgy. wow! said the man that sounds great, what shall I wear. The man said anything you like there will only be the two of us.

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