Lewes Forum thread

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For the gossips on this forum

On 19 Jul 2010 at 3:46am Sleepless in Southwark wrote:
I completely agree with the Webmaster's decision to edit the thread regarding David Swaine's very sad demise, an action that resulted from understandable requests by his family in July 2008. But equally I feel the need finally to put my side of this so very sad story simply to set the record straight here, once and for all, two years on. I hope it will prove therapeutic for me. I considered it best to wait some considerable time before doing this.
I was the husband of the "mysterious woman in the BMW". I knew David quite well too as he was my doctor for five years. I can attest to his consummate professionalism and empathic qualities that equipped him so well for his role as general practitioner. The tributes to him posted by most of you here were clearly genuinely heart-felt and obviously very well-deserved.
David's marriage seemed to be in a very bad state a couple of years ago and ours similarly was really not doing very well at all either, for entirely unrelated reasons. As a result David and my wife became very close friends due to a basic connection, resulting understandably enough, from their similar but completely unconnected marital problems. Unfortunately for all of us involved, some small-minded people in David's life, like a few, but by no means the overwhelming majority of you on this forum, rather nastily assumed that there was something very untoward going on there that, to this day, I am absolutely convinced was not. David's very severe depression and then untimely death, resulting as it did in considerable measure from these multiple misconceptions, so devastated my wife that she moved two hundred miles away to stay with her parents, to recover emotionally at some distance from these events. Basically, she never came back, finally divorcing me. All marital breakdowns are inherently tragic, but one in which someone ends up dead, for no tangible reason, is emotionally destroying. After such a severe personal catastrophe I have to say that I have found it impossible to move on and develop further relationships myself. At this time, it still feels as though I never will. It is indeed a very sad indictment that, as a result of the whole horrible business, an admittedly small, yet significant, number of people had seen fit to see such a sordid side to what was, in actual reality, a valuable, mutually reconstructive and supportive friendship between two people, both of whom at the time, I am convinced, were hurting very badly indeed.
I hope all those interested here are satisfied now and that you can finally put an end to any of your residual speculations.
On 19 Jul 2010 at 7:40am mr happy wrote:
I dont think you have to justify yourself on here. People will always blame, gossip and speculate when someone takes their life. Your friendship with his wife would not have been the sole reason that he did it. Dont feel as bad as you obviousoly do for another 2 years.
On 19 Jul 2010 at 8:53am curious wrote:
How bizarre? Is this for real?
On 19 Jul 2010 at 10:27am Informed wrote:
Mr happy try reading SIS post again as you did not understand it. he was the husband of the of "mysterious woman in the BMW". He was not having a affair with Dr Swaines wife. His wife was Dr Swaines friend and that was all.
Please leave this poor man alone.
On 19 Jul 2010 at 12:02pm Clifford wrote:
I tend to agree with Curious - the result of this thread is to draw my attention to something I didn't know anything about and to raise issues that I doubt anyone had ever been aware of.
On 19 Jul 2010 at 12:05pm Rose Garden wrote:
Why would Sleepless in Southwark want to stir the gossips again on this one? Must be a wind-up.
Move on please.. it is distasteful.
On 19 Jul 2010 at 12:14pm MC wrote:
This has been (and still is) a very sad affair resulting in one death and much unhappiness. For anyone who is interested to understand the background use the forum search. Otherwise I think it best if nothing else was said and this thread ended here.

Please let this one lie.
On 20 Jul 2010 at 1:49am Sleepless in Southwark wrote:
Sorry you lot. I started this so I'll finish it, then I am happy to let it lie, having finally got it all off my chest.
It is no wind-up. As I stated explicitly in my original post I felt that, after sufficient time for the dust to settle, I should put the record straight here, finally, basically for my own peace of mind! Forums like these can be fun, useful and informative - no question. But they can also, when mis-used, cause a great deal of vituperative gossip that has absolutely no basis in actual reality. For several weeks I saw a minority, as I have conceded, of posts here that were just plain wrong and so malicious that they had to be removed by the Webmaster. I was obviously very directly involved in the whole disaster and to see the baseless gossip accumulate for a while in the way that it did made an unbelievably bad situation much worse.
Sadly, everyone who tells you to "move on" from a situation are invariably those who have absolutely no idea what that situation is actually like to live through. One's friends, by contrast fortunately, will understand and support you however, no matter what, even when have they have no such direct experience.
As I said originally, it was so heartening to read the generous, so clearly genuine and so well-deserved tributes posted here by the vast majority of contributors. Sadly this was in so stark a contrast to the ones that I had such severe problems with.
No affair. I am certain.
On 21 Jul 2010 at 3:35am Sleepless in Southwark wrote:
Cannot believe it! Managed to shut you all up finally, it would seem, as was my original intention. Miracles do happen.
Those of you (you know who you are) who should think twice before hitting the "post" button should do so in future. Think about the consequences of your actions. You do not know who is on any forum and therefore you do not know how much hurt your uninformed idle opinions might cause.
On 21 Jul 2010 at 7:46am MC wrote:
It is very likely that the two people you refer to do not use this forum any longer and indeed, that the people now reading this were not aware of the old thread until you brought it up.
I'm not sure what you hope to gain by resurrecting the subject but the result is likely be more even less informed comment.
On 21 Jul 2010 at 8:10am Suspicious wrote:
Why 2 years after the event would someone post (anonymously) about this type of thing? An internet forum is not the place for such things.
Still not convinced the bloke is genuine..

On 22 Jul 2010 at 2:03am Sleepless in Southwark wrote:
Completely genuine I am afraid. I waited 2 years, as I said originally, for the dust to settle, an inquest to be conducted and for my, as a result, hopelessly drawn out divorce to be complete. I had no control over the timeline of this, obviously, as this was a result of due legal process. An Internet forum was never the place for all the malicious, hurtful and utterly unfounded rubbish I had to endure seeing posted in the first place! I am finally responding to the flagrant mis-use of the forum and I recommend that you all think twice before you abuse this again. Given what I heve been through I want to be left anonymous and I think I have that right. Why can you not face up to all the hurt you must have caused all of us concerned, like the adults you purport to be?
Thought I had successfully staunched this, like the BP leak, but obviously some seepage of bad gas.
On 22 Jul 2010 at 11:34am brixtonbelle wrote:
I don't think anyone was even thinking about it before you posted, SIS, genuine or not. As MC says, it's brought the original issue up again and stirred people's cruiosity who know nothing about it.
There's a saying about airing dirty linen in public. Sounds like you have been waiting to try and put the record straight from your perspective but you should probably have left well alone.
On 31 Jul 2010 at 5:18am Sleepless in Southwark wrote:
The whole mess was genuine the whole time. This forum was abused "distastefully" a couple of years ago: this was the "dirty linen" and the linen was not even dirty! Why should I leave it alone when you guys did so much damage when _you_ should have left well alone! There was no factual basis for all your evil speculations. This never was the way to use an Internet forum. I think a lot of you viewing this thread feel guilty, that is why you are all so incredibly defensive and unpleasant.
On 31 Jul 2010 at 8:13pm cheeky wrote:
I think most of us using this forum did not do so two years ago and see the sad, angry and disturbed person you have become S, IN S. THIS is not the way to air your obvious grief, loss and suffering 'on an internet forum'. I would urge you, out of concern, to talk to your GP and seek counselling.
Why pursue this on the forum? Concentrate on yourself. I wish you much love and happiness in the future but you need to find acceptance and peace first in order to move on.

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