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Difficult question

On 12 Feb 2018 at 2:29pm Offspring wrote:
I know this isn't relevant to Lewes but I need some help with an upsetting problem.
My mum (90) is very depressed and wants to end it all. She asks me to help her but I don't know what to for the best. I'm not going to do it of course but she won't talk to anyone else about it so it is weighing on me. I try to make her life better but as she is nearly blind and very tired it is hard to get her enthusiasm for life back. Where can I turn as I am failing in my duty as a good son.
On 12 Feb 2018 at 2:37pm Jack wrote:
first i would let her g.p know. hope you can fine some help
On 12 Feb 2018 at 3:07pm Ferret wrote:
This is an NHS link. It may be useful, but your GP will too.

Check it out here »
On 12 Feb 2018 at 4:17pm Earl of Lewess wrote:
It's very difficult when people are getting quantity of life rather than quality. My mother was prescribed antidepressants after my father died and they did help, so if your mum isn't already on them it's worth a try. It's a pity she can't talk to someone else, as it must be very upsetting for you.
On 12 Feb 2018 at 4:43pm Blatant Liar wrote:
You definitely want professional advice, saves you listening to all the rubbish advice here.
But if you do want rubbish advice on a forum, I would highly recommend drugs, although a short term solution they can make a very real difference to someone mental state.
Either anti depressants as Earl says, or I would try some alcohol (sherry in her morning tea), or maybe a little weed (practically tasteless if done as a tincture)?
On 12 Feb 2018 at 5:28pm Sad wrote:
My 75 year old mum is also depressed. My dad left her when she was 42. She has been on her own ever since and has not moved on. It breaks my heart.
On 12 Feb 2018 at 7:46pm only me wrote:
You are not alone, geriatric depression is a lot more common than we realise. An elderly member of my family was depressed & sucicidal for a long time but eventually agreed to antidepressants and they really helped. It is really difficult but getting her to talk to her gp is a good start.
On 13 Feb 2018 at 9:35am Windy Miller wrote:
As well as seeking help from a GP, one of the things that really really helps with depression is a supportive network of people that love her being there for her. For example, even if she doesn't want to talk about it, just knowing that she could and people would listen to her if she did might really help. You don't need to make a huge fuss or even focus much on her depression when you're with her. Just let her know you're there for her.
On 13 Feb 2018 at 10:22am Depression can be a wrote:
lifelong burden - thank goodness it's more open now !
On 13 Feb 2018 at 4:41pm Earl of Lewess wrote:
Yes, a supportive network is very important. The can mean all siblings doing their bit (there's usually at least one brother or sister who is "too busy") and getting help where its available. It's hard if you find yourself with a parent who unloads all their problems onto you. I hope I'll never do that to my children.
On 13 Feb 2018 at 4:58pm Sarah Clowes wrote:
Contact Care for the Carers, they will give you advise on how to help your Mum & support you to access the relevant help.
On 13 Feb 2018 at 8:27pm GP wrote:
You need to make an appointment with her G.P.
She doesn't need to go with you. Go on your own. Tell her G.P what she is telling you, and request for the G.P to visit her at home. Arrange a time that you can be at your mum's home for when the G.P visits her. And then a frank and honest discussion can take place about how your mum is feeling. Her G.P needs to be told so that they can help, either by prescribing anti depressants or referring your mum to elderly mental health services.
Can you get your mum out and about a bit more? You'd be surprised how much a sad person can be cheered up just by going out for a couple of hours.
Are there groups or coffee mornings she could join?
Also contact Age Concern.
Don't expect miracles; if an elderly person feels they have a poor quality of life then it's understandable for them to feel depressed. But small changes could make a big difference.
Also, although this is hard, do consider that some people in their 90's do feel that they've lived their life and feel ready to stop now. It's hard for us to imagine because we're younger and have many years ahead of us, but we should respect people in their 90's who may feel they don't want to continue living.
Our whole society is geared towards prolonging and extending life. But some people in their 90's (and sometimes younger than this) don't necessarily feel like living for many more years.
I hope your mum can receive some professional help and go on to enjoy a few more years though. That's why you need her G.P.
One thing is for certain, you are not failing in your duty as a good son.
On 13 Feb 2018 at 8:38pm Similar wrote:
My mums GP really couldn't be bothered with any of my mums depression or anxiety. Went straight for the pills. He got her antibiotics completely wrong for a urinary infection at the same time. Wrong antibiotics + wrong anti depressants + plus sleeping tablets + some opiates for anxietyhave left her ruined and a shadow of her self in 6 weeks. Things got so bad I asked social services to help. After a long wait they got back to me to say GP should have referred her. HE gave me thier number! Moral of story is you have to just throw everything at the situation and see what sticks. Sitting with her now and she is like a zombie child. GPs do not know everything. Social services stated that they are notorious for not wanting to engage in this area. Be careful.
On 14 Feb 2018 at 8:38pm Archie wrote:
Contact social services. Despite what the media say they have vast amounts of experience and dedication and your mum will definitely benefit from their help.

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