On 23 Nov 2014 at 1:31pm Depressed 40+ wrote:
Urgh. This weather is getting me down. The darkness is descending again and the same old thoughts creep back. I wish I could be happy with my lot. I should be, but all I see is the negative. My son's teacher tells me he is a delight to teach and I should be very proud. But all I can think of is that he's an only child and I should have provided a sibling.
I chucked the citalopram in the bin. It was not doing me much good. Yes it dulled the depression but it dulled everything else as well and have me heart palpitations.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 2:23pm Earl of Lewes wrote:
Ask your GP if you can see a counsellor. They can give you some free sessions, which should help to identify what the problem is and what strategies could help.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 2:27pm Earl of Lewes wrote:
Also, as an only child, I should add that not having a sibling isn't the end of the world.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 3:45pm trooper wrote:
"Depression" Please please do not berate yourself for not providing your son with a sibling,I have been an only child for eight decades and I have had a ball and am I assure you am still doing so.If your son is doing well in his education, rejoice. Get out more, join things if you do not like them after a while leave, you will, I assure you find your level.Please do not despair there is help out there, it just takes a bit of finding.Keep of the pills if you can.I wish you well
On 23 Nov 2014 at 5:04pm Depressed 40+ wrote:
Thanks to both of you. It heartens me to read your comments and that you took the time to reply.
You are of course correct but depression can warp the normal pattern of thinking. I do try not to dwell on things. Thanks again. I shall keep on trying.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 5:19pm 8 miles from home wrote:
Group hug 
On 23 Nov 2014 at 6:13pm claire Kirtland wrote:
Lewes Low Cost Counselling Service offer professional low cost counselling and are a local group with professionally trained counsellors based in Lewes. They really are low cost, from £4 and you do not have to be referred by your GP, you can contact them to make an appointment on 07445509825. Best Wishes, C
On 23 Nov 2014 at 6:16pm Mark wrote:
Get your GP to review your anti-depressant? There are loads of 'em as you probably know. Best wishes.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 7:03pm Neville Chap wrote:
Best wishes; depression can be a lonely ordeal because people find it hard to understand and your family will get frustrated. I`m not sure if you are a bit gloomy or in serious trouble but I have reached some very low points myself and I would suggest self help. By that I mean read a book recommended by MIND or the NHS and construct your own understanding and treatment.
There is a lot of snake oil on sale but there is common sense and good advice.
I don`t know if it would be appropriate, but I will happily pass on my experience of do's and don't's if anyone thinks it would be helpful.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 7:31pm Depressed 40+ wrote:
Hi Neville Chap,
Yes, please do share your experiences. I think it actually started for me as a child and I've had bouts of depression throughout my life. Antidepressants may dull the pain to some extent but they are not a cure. To be honest I'm embarrassed to have depression when I know I have so many things to be grateful for. The last thing I want is for my son to suffer in the same way.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 8:09pm oilbarron wrote:
Been down this road and come out the other side. The anti depressants worked for me. They made me feel good so I could start from a strong position. Gave up counseling. Just spoke endlessly with my best friends and family who supported me. Then slowly slowly came off the medication 5 years down the line and I feel good about myself. Just need very good listeners and sometimes some tough love !All the best.
On 23 Nov 2014 at 10:19pm Nevill Chap wrote:
Ok- Everyone is different and I am not any sort of expert. These are my top tips. They are aimed at someone in serious difficulties but I make no assumptions about any individual. If anyone takes anything useful out of it …great, if not, no harm done. Please bear in mind I really don`t claim to have any answer. In fact I feel embarrassed writing this stuff down as if I knew anything special.
TOP TIPS.....
1 Buy the book- Buy a respectable and modern book on the subject and make sure it is recommended by a reputable body or the NHS. Find out what is known and what to expect.This may help remove some of the fear of typical physical symptoms like dizziness or loss of libido as well as common feelings like a sense of unreality. One good book will do, you will obsess quite enough without creating a library.
2 Avoid the silliness that rummaging around on the internet for help will bring you. The subject attracts charlatans and they can be damaging. You need clear thinking.
3 Avoid anti-depressants tranquilizers and sleeping pills if at all possible. Over time your body will adjust and they will cease to have an affect leaving you with a dependency. If you have to have something then try to keep it temporary.
This is very much my only my own view and an area you must get proper advice on.
3 Don`t waste too much time on “why?”. If you took your car to be repaired you would not thank the mechanic if he sat around explaining how you went over a bump in the road last week. You want it fixed not explained, and the one does not add much to the other. In fact a lot of aimless introspection can actually re-inforce bad mental habits and your objective is to break them up.
I notice you mention siblings …well that is clearly not a reason for depression, if you can`t see that, or it is setting off a depressive state then it is not because of that thought. Don`t imagine looking at it from a thousand different angles is going to help. There is no answer to be found by scratching away ; trust me.
4 Believe you can change the way your mind works. It’s no mystery; when you sit down to practice the piano you cannot play the piece, an hour later you can. You have created new links and associations, that’s what the mind does.You need to break up the automatic associative thoughts that are feeding your depression. The mechanism for doing so is a simple as the one for learning any new skill.
5 One good way to do this is to write down the negative automatic thoughts that arrives when the blackness comes down , then you argue with them. You are looking for the quick flashes of horror that scatter over your mind just below the surface. Dig them out, catch them , and then write down your refutation.
Remember you will not win in a day.You will find yourself writing down things you don`t believe but do it anyway. Keep going for three months and you will get improvement. Don`t write it of as failure if it’s not a total success.
This is one method of cognitive therapy which is on the NHS and available locally, you can get referred but you can just get on with it. Its hard work and means facing the nasty things that are hurting you but do as much as you can.
6 Give up caffeine. Caffeine-free tea is a great product an you will forget the difference. Give up smoking if you can but it is more important to avoid drinking too much. Clearly smoking is unhealthy but you don`t need additional challenges all at once. Drinking will directly contribute to depression and disturb sleeping patterns. So don`t drink excessively and for god`s sake do not self-medicate with any other drug.
7 Plan your sleep- A good night’s sleep will not make it go away but the lack of it can lead to a vicious downward spiral. Avoid cat naps and go to bed when you are tired. Once there do not think about your problems. I recommend listening to something impersonally distracting on BBCi Player, a documentary or history programme on the radio may help you drift off, whatever you fancy. Relaxation tapes work well following a system of progressive muscle relaxation. Experiment and find out what works for you. Relaxation scripts can be bought and read into a simple tape recorder.(Sadly they are v expensive ..)
8 Get as fit as you can – it will give you strength but if you can`t face it, don`t feel guilty, just keep going until you can. Try to keep your appearance up, even if you see no point a poor self image will drag you down more but don`t obsess.
9 Think about your life, what makes you miserable and what makes you happy. If there are any small ways in which you can do more of the latter and less of the former then make a plan and do them.
For example maybe it would make you happier if people around you were happy. Why not think about ways to achieve that . Write a story to tell your child, plan a treat for your wife or girlfriend. If you can`t do it …then keep the project in mind for when you can.
You may have quite different ideas so come up with your plan it will give you a sense of control.
10 Don`t expect your family or friends to provide endless support. Even for people who have suffered with depression it is bewildering when you are not in it, pain is always in the present tense.You may well feel there is no future, that’s common but its only a feeling.
Your family will be angry that they can`t help and …yes probably suspect you are not showing much spine.This does not mean they don`t love you so avoid blame. You are just going to have to accept that depression is a lonely battle.
You will find you can be stronger than you thought you were and even if no-one can see it, you are a hero. Feel proud of your victories.
11 If everyone need some space – go for a walk we live in a beautiful place, take stock, think about big things, it can be refreshing. Space can keep a relationship going that is under stress and you need to cherish your relationships more than ever
12 Never give in – there may be times of despair, times when none of your tricks will work and you do not believe there will ever be another day is worth living. If that happens “ Just keep swimming , just keep swimming “It will pass and if you have to spend some of good will capital you have built up then do so . Each crisis passed makes you stronger
I know this is all glib. As Mike Tyson said ”They all got a plan until they get hit in the mouth “ .If anyone feels like that now then I do understand but you can help yourself.
Buy the book, and take it from there and if you keep working at it you will find your way through.
Best of luck
Best Of Luck to anyone suffering right now , you will get through it.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 12:18am Titus wrote:
I wouldn't recommend antidepressants its better that you battle through your depression yourself without use of chemicals.. I asked my GP if I could see a counsellor because I was severely depressed and it took '2 years' to actually get an initial appointment! And then at that appointment I was told I'd have to wait another 3 months for 'sessions' to start! I'd gone to my GP because I was and still are severely depressed & at risk of cutting my throat. But I have come to realise that there is no help out there. On the whole we live in such a uncaring society with people preoccupied with their own problems, that its viewed self-indulgent to be depressed. My advice is to just go for a walk.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 12:41am Titus wrote:
Further to my original message. I meant by 'Just go for a walk' to do exactly that. Take in your surroundings breathe in the beauty & glory of it and at the same time acknowledge the utter futility of life.
Its amazing and at the same time its sheer Hell.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 12:41am Jim wrote:
There research going on that is finding that taking magic mushrooms can help those suffering with depression.
One of the effects is to reset or change patterns of thinking and understanding which can help sufferers get out of the loop that leads them down the path to despair.
I wouldn't recommend you take them without experienced supervision though
Check it out here »
On 24 Nov 2014 at 2:16am Titus wrote:
I agree with what you are saying Jim. Some years ago when I was going through a period of depression I got an inexplicable craving for LSD or Magic Mushrooms, something that would do exactly what you are saying, reset my thinking and clear my mind. Weird eh..
But at the time I never did take that route.
Now my health has deteriorated seriously and I'm really rather poorly. I'm in constant pain everyday 24/7 with no let up and no hope of it ever getting any better. I'm now prescribed 80-100mg of concentrated morphine per day which helps a little with the pain and has also helped me with my sporadic bouts of depression. Being in constant pain can make one more than a little prone to depression. I often thought that I could solve any problems I may have with positive thinking 'Mind over Matter' sort of thing, but I have found that positive thinking only works for me to some extent, try it next time you get toothache its fine for short periods of time. Its really interesting what the medical profession are learning after all these years. trick mushrooms? ooh.. well I never ad!
On 24 Nov 2014 at 9:09am Ted wrote:
The worst thing for your son will not be that he's a single child but you worrying about it. For him alone, try to update your attitude. If you're happy he'll be happy.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 9:11am Depressed 40+ wrote:
Thanks for all those interesting ideas Nevill Chap. I shall make an effort to get on top of this dreaded depression and your tis sound like a good starting point.
Hi Titus, sorry to hear what you are going through.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. Very much appreciated. As it's sunny today I think a good walk is in order.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 9:18am Oates wrote:
Don`t worry , Titus - Been done and got the T shirt - the mushies don`t make a difference . CBT and prescribed drugs have worked for me . AFAIK it is not against any law to go into a field and pick/eat mushies . Doing anything else constitutes processing !
On 24 Nov 2014 at 9:38am another wrote:
Depressed: just to pick up on your point about throwing your Citalopram in the bin. I did that very thing, too (against my GP's wishes), although I made a point of stopping in the early spring. Don't underestimate how much harder it is to deal with depression when mornings and evenings are dark and the weather's miserable.
Don't know what dose you were on but if you stop without 'tapering' as they call, it messes your head up for a good six to eight weeks; for a while you feel worse than if you'd never taken them at all.
Wanting to go back on the anti-depressants is a constant battle. You know you'd feel a bit better but at the same time you don't feel like 'you'. I'd echo most of Neville Chap's sentiments and say above all, avoid keeping your problems to yourself. Good luck!
On 24 Nov 2014 at 10:03am Depressed 40+ wrote:
Hi another,
I sort of tapered off (from 20 mg) but probably not for long enough. I did get palpitations that are just beginning to subside. You are right about the dark winter days/evenings not helping, plus me and my son have had a rotten cold all week and haven't been out much.
I felt little joy whilst taking Citalopram, it sort of numbs everything.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 11:05am Sunny Monday wrote:
Wow, if ever I doubted the value of this forum with some of the threads in the last few months that have just been full of bile, this one thread has restored my faith in the worth of this forum. It is uplifting to see so may people contributing positively to a post from someone they don't know.
Chapeau.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 1:38pm another wrote:
I love that there's a Lewesian out there voting down the positive posts.
I suspect that this is an example of an individual who has yet to seek help for their mental health issues...
And yes, Depressed 40+, I got that about Citalopram. It makes you feel like a village idiot: wandering round with a daft grin and unable to properly engage with the world.
On 24 Nov 2014 at 5:17pm On the spectrum wrote:
Oi - less of the V. I . There are many high functioning autistic people around , maybe more than average numbers in Lewes 
On 25 Nov 2014 at 11:21am belladonna wrote:
What excellent advice from Nevill Chap. (and others). Thank you all for taking the time and effort to respond - very informative and shows the value of this forum
On 25 Nov 2014 at 3:53pm Depressed 40+ wrote:
Yes indeed. I was pretty low a couple of days ago and felt a bit of a numpty after putting my original post on here. I was expecting a bit of flack. But no....there are obviously some good and kind people who read this forum. Thanks again.