On 9 Mar 2014 at 8:13pm Maddison wrote:
Starting September this year I need someone to look after 3 children from 5-8pm. Does anyone have any personal recommendations. Car driver would be ideal.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 4:16pm bastian wrote:
So you need a guitar teacher and child care for three children-Money isn't everything, kids need their parents, you don't get those years back you know.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 5:01pm Bast*** wrote:
thats not very nice
On 10 Mar 2014 at 6:16pm Mme B wrote:
Many people don't have the option to stay at home, although they might wish to. These are hard times, and sacrifices have to be made if you are to pay the bills. You don't know this lady's circumstances, so you should not immediately leap in with criticism.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 6:28pm Maddison wrote:
Dear Bast*** and Mme B thank you so much for your kind comments. It is very caring of you to stick up for me!
Bastian I think it's lovely that you are so concerned about my children. It's really good that there are people out there like you. Although your comment is misplaced here, you're right that you don't get these years back. They are indeed to be cherished.
Child 1 and I intend to learn the guitar together- our project for this year.
Regarding the 5-8pm slot, well, as others have pointed out, you don't know the circumstances do you?
I know you are well intentioned and probably didn't mean to be unkind - indeed I can hear the wistful tone in what you write - but your comment comes across as judgemental.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 6:35pm Brussel sprout wrote:
Disappointing and inevitable...... post a message regarding childcare and you get a response criticising your work/life situation, completely ignorant of your circumstances.
Juggling children and work is jolly hard at times and it would be much healthier if people laid off the judgemental attitudes and just offered support and useful information. As far as I can tell the majority of people are just trying to do their best when it comes to raising a family.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 6:44pm lewes resident wrote:
so Bastian would you prefer that this lady doesn't work but instead scrounges off the state?
On 10 Mar 2014 at 7:46pm Tipex wrote:
Bastian - for the sake of humanity, please don't ever have kids.
On 10 Mar 2014 at 8:33pm Maddison wrote:
Poor Bastian- don't think he realised his comments would encourage a wall of kindness to erect itself between me and him.
On 11 Mar 2014 at 11:26am bastian wrote:
na no where in your post does it say that you are female. but they latched on to that imediately because it is you asking about childcare,which a man would not have to, how we have moved on as a society, or not as the case may be. I expect this kind of a beating on here, it isn't uncommon (if you are new to theforum, you will soon find this out). How ever hard it has been made for people to raise children financially, it is still the children who lose out. Defend that if you wish, having money is more important than watching your children grow up (they do that very fast), I have more than one and we brought them up on a shoe string so that they could have us around, we never claimed benefits and never spent more than we earned. It was tight, but they will remember how much fun we had together (with no screens). Modern, enforced living standards are going to have an effect on the next generation, part of me hopes it makes them kick back against it.
Maddison, good luck with your endevour, i don't regret a word I have said, because opinions are free, no malice was intended, just mu opinion.
On 11 Mar 2014 at 1:41pm Florence wrote:
Just as you don't know the persons sex you don't know that they are not with their kids all the rest of the time (but the hours of 5-8pm). You don't know if they are caring for a dying relative, or if they are estranged from their partner (and for what reason), whether the situation is permanent or temporary, or in fact anything at all about their circumstances.
Coming out with such an accusatory opinion based on very little fact and a whole raft of of assumption is just not great form.
On 11 Mar 2014 at 3:59pm Maddison wrote:
Bastian- I didn't detect any malice in your original post but I was taken aback by it. As Florence has pointed out, your opinion is based on assumption.
For what it's worth, I agree with you. The young years are a precious time and of course money isn't the be all and end all. Indeed that's why I've chosen (and can afford with some economising) to be a Stay at home mother. So thanks for your concern regarding my children but it's misplaced.
I'm going to be away from my children for 3 hours in order to work as a volunteer counsellor at Cruse, the organisation that helps people to deal with grief and loss. My children are fully supportive of their mum helping other people.
Perhaps if you had known what I was doing you might have been kinder.
Or would you?
You sound as if you raised your children well and put a lot of time into them. I hope for their sake that you raised them to show empathy and kindness to others: qualities which are to be highly valued.
On 11 Mar 2014 at 4:06pm bastian wrote:
This forum is full of assumptions, I am not responsible for many of them, I assume nothing, you are assuming all sorts of things about me, and accusing me of something I have not necessarily said (that is also quite common on here).
One very important point to make is that women (and the few men) who are at home with children, whetehr on benefits or not, are ALL working if the are looking after children. It is a seriously undervalued and underrated job, with no sick pay, holiday pay and is about a full time as it gets. lloking afetr the elderly or unwell is also a vital and undervalued role. Just because it happens in the home, not an office, still means it's work. I would love to see the job of parenting (the most natural, by nature job in the world) elevated to the same level as money making.
Florence, you know nothing about me, try and read this without prejudice, I hold no grudges and love debate, if i had meant to say anything really outrageous it would have been unpublishable, but I didn't, I just suggested that said "Maddison" would miss out on their kids lives, which is a great adventure, and for that I get shouted down by people who have not actually taken time to think about it.
Tell me, what kind of job would pay enough to live on in three hours?
On 11 Mar 2014 at 4:10pm bastian wrote:
Your post reached the box before mine, very honerable, but limit your time, they still eed you as much as your clients.
On 11 Mar 2014 at 8:27pm Maddison wrote:
Oh Bastian I have tried to react to you with compassion but you really do make it very difficult. My children are not going to suffer if I am not with them for 3 hours. In fact, during those three hours they will go to cubs for an hour and a half. So they will only miss out on me for 1 and a half hours! And maybe during that 1 and a half hours I would have been making dinner/putting on some laundry/ packing school bags for the next day, etc so really they won't miss me too much!
Why are you making such a big deal over this? I think I might have touched a nerve because your response is over the top.
Your tone is really irritating. I realise you don't mean to come across like that but your little digs- 'your children need you as much as your clients', 'kids need their parents'- are annoying.
I love that you value parenting but so do I and many other people. You raised your children the best way you knew how and shall do the same with mine. There is not only one right way to raise children. I want mine to see me as part of the wider community, as someone who gives to others in need. My children buy into that sentiment (obviously, because I buy into it and they are raised by me) and fully support what I am doing.
Ok, deep breaths. Wishing you only peace, Maddison.
On 12 Mar 2014 at 3:36pm bastian wrote:
yes, a nerve is often jangled, could be to do with my employment, and the fact that I deal with the fall out from disaffected youth. I do, by the way find your over sympathetic manner smacks a little of passive agressive, not very pleasant either, but I don't hold it against you.
Enjoy what you do.
On 12 Mar 2014 at 4:31pm Julie B wrote:
Bastian- Maddison has been extremely patient and kind with you. Now you are calling her passive aggressive for being kind! I bet you're a cantankerous man who is really, really difficult to deal with. Am I right? Any woman would need the patience of a saint to have a relationship with you. And you can't let it go can you? You keep sniping at her. Yuck! yuck! Yuck! There. Maddison may be too nice to have a go at you but I'm not!
On 12 Mar 2014 at 5:41pm femanista x wrote:
I don't think someone who works with difficult kids and says the kind of supportive stuff I have read on here sounds cantankerous, just sadeneed by what they see and have to deal with, it must have an effect on your life eventually.
There are alot of self righteous women in the world to.
Some people have very strong views, it is ok to have views and they can differ.
Live and let live.
On 12 Mar 2014 at 8:44pm Julie B wrote:
Interesting response femanista x but Bastian doesn't live and let live does he?
He just keeps digging at the original poster eg 'money isn't everything, kids need their parents' . He later on said that Maddison would miss out on her children's lives! That's such an emotive thing to say don't you think? And it comes across as judgemental as does his little dig about 'your kids need you too'.
Why is he judging her? She only asked for some help about childcare and yet there he is jumping on her metaphorically. He initially assumed she was a slave to the Money God and as a result her children would miss out. Once she told us she was doing some charity work, he still didn't give her any kudos, just made a snipey little comment. Then he calls her passive aggressive. Dear Pot, Yours, Kettle.
How could his views on her parenting be valid when he knows nothing about her.
He comes across terribly lacking in compassion and I think he should be called out on that so he doesn't do it to someone else.
On 14 Mar 2014 at 10:12am femanista x wrote:
Er, see how easy it is to do that.
On 16 Mar 2014 at 8:36pm Maddison wrote:
Femanista, I don't understand your response! Julie B, I don't think Bastian will ever change.
Anyhow, initial inquiry didn't flush out anyone who could help so I shall try elsewhere.
Thanks to those who contributed positively to the debate. Obviously a subject that raises some passions.