Lewes Forum thread

Go on, tell 'em what you think


Lewes Forum New message

Wycherley twaddle

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On 16 Dec 2018 at 6:59pm Blatant Liar wrote:
In the sussex ex property section there’s a full page ad by the above which proclaimes
Older style semi on eastern Lewes !!!
Which turns out to be an ex council on old Malling.
Nothing wrong with that, so let’s tell it like it is.
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On 16 Dec 2018 at 7:15pm janet street preacher wrote:
1. Bijou – A tiny boxroom
2. Cash buyers only – No bank in its right mind would lend on this
3. Compact – Glorified cupboard
4. Convenient for transport links – Feel the walls shake as a train passes
5. Cosy – No more than one person per room at a time
6. Close to good schools – Can get there in 10 minutes, if you drive like Lewis Hamilton
7. Easily-maintained garden – Concrete as far as the eye can see
8. Full of history – Doesn’t have electricity or running water
9. No onward chain – Somebody died in there
10. No photo available – The stuff of nightmares
11. Peaceful location – God’s waiting room
12. Perfect for a first time buyer – We know you can’t afford to be choosy
13. Period property – Derelict and possibly haunted
14. Popular area – You’ll be squashed in like sardines
15. Put your own stamp on it – Half-built
16. Renovation required – Watch your money magically disappear
17. Rural – There is nothing there, except maybe some sheep
18. Viewing recommended – The outside looks like something Stig of the Dump would reject
19. Pied-de-terre – Fancy French phrase for cosy
20. Quirky – Nothing matches and the doors are four-foot high
21. Three-bedroomed property – Two bedrooms and a cupboard where you could fit a sleeping bag... just
22. Reduced for a quick sale – There has been no interest
23. Within walking distance – If you have a spare five hours
24. Sought-after area – Ridiculous price
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On 16 Dec 2018 at 8:19pm Blatant Liar wrote:
Very good jsp
Though you forgot
Full of original features:
Needs new plumbing, heating system, rewire, new kitchen and bathroom
Ie money pit
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On 16 Dec 2018 at 11:03pm king of sussex wrote:
I'd contest the 'sought-after area' one, I only ever see that attached to what's I'd imagine to be the opposite of sought after areas.
I suppose some people might seek out the cheapest neighborhoods though.
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On 17 Dec 2018 at 12:10pm Earl of Lewess wrote:
I love the way houses are always in "the popular ****** area", wherever they are.
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On 17 Dec 2018 at 12:52pm Blatant Liar wrote:
Indeed Earl, I’ve yet to see an unpopular area that is full of empty houses


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