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Very bad joke.....

On 24 Feb 2009 at 4:59pm Joker wrote:
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
When your wife has to chew before she swallows.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 5:18pm Joker wrote:
What do you call a police woman that shaves her pubes?
On 24 Feb 2009 at 6:14pm Agony Aunt wrote:
When Mickey Mouse filed for divorce his lawyer said "Just because Minnie has buck teeth is not sufficient grounds for divorce".
Mickey went beserk and replied "I did not say she had buck teeth, I said she was f**king goofy"
On 24 Feb 2009 at 6:42pm Toque wrote:
Two condoms walking past a gay bar. The first turns to the other and says "Do you fancy going in and getting Sh*t-faced?"
On 24 Feb 2009 at 8:48pm 70s babe wrote:
It is now illegal to wear your clothes on the wrong part of your body.
Take Gary Glitter for example; he was jailed for putting a Thai on his cock.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 8:48pm 70s babe wrote:
It is now illegal to wear your clothes on the wrong part of your body.
Take Gary Glitter for example; he was jailed for putting a Thai on his cock.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 8:53pm Chubby Brown wrote:
Yesterday a woman sat on my glasses and broke them.
Luckily, they were on my face at the time.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:10pm Interested 2 wrote:
When my wife came home last Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the washer and me asleep on the couch having done nothing but drink beer and watch telly all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself, Mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want to do."
I thought, "I can't believe it - I'm going to get a f***ing blowjob out of this!"
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:29pm Toque wrote:
I went to the zoo the other day, and all they had was this little Chinese dog in a cage.
It was a Shihtzu.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:32pm Dave wrote:
Time for a seperate teenagers forum webmaster?
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:37pm Paul Merton wrote:
I was walking past my fridge last night and thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song.
But when I opened the door, it was just the chives talking.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:44pm Spinster Of This Parish wrote:
Q. Why did Dave cross the road?
A. Because he could not get his dick out of the chicken!
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:56pm catherine wheel wrote:
Two buckets of sick were walking down the road, one turns to the other and says "Why are you crying ? " The other one says " I was brought up round here ".
On 24 Feb 2009 at 9:58pm north carolina girl wrote:
a physician walks into a bar. he bets the bartender that he can name every cocktail that he is served. if he wins, the bartender pays for all the drinks. if not, then the doc will pay for them all. the bet is made. the bartender does his best....for a while, it seems the doc will win! but finally, the bartender pulls out a special recipe. he makes the drink and serves it to the physician. he tastes it....and cannot guess it. finally, the doc gives in. he pays for all the cocktails, and asks the bartender what the drink is called. the bartender smiles and says........
'it's a hickory daiquiri, doc'.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:25pm Fat birds bloke wrote:
The wife would make a great burglar.........her arse would rub out her footprints
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:27pm Friar Tuck wrote:
Robin Hood lay dying, and all the faithful gathered round. With his weak and fading breath, Robin asked Marion to bring him the best arrow from the quiver beside his bed, and then asked Little John to bring him his bow. He put the arrow to the bow and aimed through the open window into the generous green sward of Sherwood Forest beyond which he loved so much. He asked of Friar Tuck, "Promise me that wherever the arrow falls, there you will bury me." And when Tuck had sworn, Robin Hood demanded the same of the others. Then with his last strength he drew on The bow and let the arrow fly.
And then he died, smiling. And next day, they did as they had promised, they buried Robin Hood....... on top of his wardrobe.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:33pm Paul Merton wrote:
A cargo ship carrying yo-yos has hit an iceberg in the North Atlantic. So far it has sunk sixty three times.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:39pm Interested 2 wrote:
I was talking to my grandad about martial arts yesterday, and I asked him if he knew where the word 'Kung fu' came from.
Grandad said, "my old school playground."
So I asked, "how is that, then?"
And grandad said, "during school dinner break, I once threw a brick at a Chinese lad and it hit him right on the back of the head and he turned and screamed, 'Wot Kung fu dat?'"
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:43pm Chubby Brown wrote:
Why did Nivea Cream?
Because Max Factor.
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:50pm joker wrote:
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went..
On 24 Feb 2009 at 10:57pm Paul Merton wrote:
What do you call a black man with a biscuit on his head?
Lionel Richtea.
On 25 Feb 2009 at 9:42am Lord Landport wrote:
I like the jokes webby makes me chuckle but I can see how people could get offended.
Some other forums have a OTT thread that could only be accessed by people who sign in .
maybe just move all rude or OTT stuff to a new area so children or easily off
ended coudn't access.
let's face it most of these jokes are from regular users.
On 25 Feb 2009 at 2:02pm Chuck wrote:
Get a life Lord Landport, how many kids do you know look at a forum, which most of the time features complaints about the parking scheme and LDC?????? Anyway, kids nowadays probably know much worse than this. Please Webby, do not remove this thread.
On 25 Feb 2009 at 5:49pm Arthur Broomhead wrote:
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming the channel?
Clever Dick!
On 25 Feb 2009 at 6:30pm Cliffe Hanger wrote:
What's brown and steaming and comes out of Cow(e)s?
The Isle of Wight Ferry!
(Ok, this joke doesn't really work in written form, 'cos of the cows/Cowes issue).
On 25 Feb 2009 at 6:32pm Cliffe Hanger wrote:
What's pink and hard?
Either: A pig with a flick-knife
Or: The Financial Times crossword
On 25 Feb 2009 at 6:42pm Sam spam wrote:
what's pink and hangs out your pajamas.......
your mum!
On 25 Feb 2009 at 6:44pm Joker wrote:
Oh Goody,back to the the jokes...
On 25 Feb 2009 at 6:48pm Lord Landport wrote:
Chuck Think I put my point across wrong Im not against this thread in fact I knicked a few jokes and text them round last week.
What I was trying to put across very badly was......
Not to remove this thread but to move it away from the main forum.
If we had a OTT part of the forum then people could post stuff that may offend people by entering the ott area you agree that your not easily offended and that you wont sue the webmaster etc and people can post away to hearts content the funnny stuff etc we get sent on a daily basis .
My reason for this is ......I know webby has a difficult job sometimes as people will ask him to remove the stupidest of things as it may offend but he has to decide is it in the public interest to leave it?
webby is always up for ideas I would hate for this forum to be shut down because someone was suing him
if webby is happy as it is then go for it people keep posting the funnies it brightens my day.
On 25 Feb 2009 at 7:29pm walter wrote:
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looks over to the hospital and sees a hole in the wall, he looks through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groans '14.........14.........14.......14.'
On 25 Feb 2009 at 8:32pm Cliffe Hanger wrote:
No Sam. It's:
Q: What's pink AND WRINKLY and hangs out your pajamas?
A: Your Nan!
Boom, boom!
On 26 Feb 2009 at 12:30am Obituary of the late Mr Common Sense wrote:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after complaints with regards to jokes posted on this forum.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realised he has gone.
On 26 Feb 2009 at 12:55am Hedwig wrote:
Amen to that
On 26 Feb 2009 at 8:36am Chav wrote:
That Jack Tweed aint stupid. He bought Jades wedding ring at Argos. They offer a 14 day money back garantee
On 26 Feb 2009 at 10:54am funny bloke wrote:
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
On 26 Feb 2009 at 11:12am funny bloke wrote:
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I just soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
On 26 Feb 2009 at 11:49am joker wrote:
The annual outing for the Premature Ejaculation Society went to Blackpool today ......the journey was a bit of a disaster, as they all came on the coach. :|
On 26 Feb 2009 at 8:01pm kitty cat wrote:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The Toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8.00a.m.
The next day at 8.45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Managers door...The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and they are really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lens surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmos. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a hug bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of febrci, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics. he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
'I'm sorry' he says to her barely able to keep a satright face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday....'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.................'
On 26 Feb 2009 at 8:34pm ceo ?? wrote:
3 men who were captured by savages were told their willys would be removed in a manner appropriate 2 their job. 1st man was a lumberjack, his would be chopped off. 2nd man was a butcher his would be sliced off. 3rd man starting laughing. when his captors asked why? he replied - "i work in a lollipop factory!!!"
On 27 Feb 2009 at 3:47pm lewes citizen wrote:
CHAV VERY bad taste!
On 28 Feb 2009 at 12:13am cato wrote:
Soldiers stranded in the desert were told that there was good news and bad news,what did they want first.Bad news they said.Well they were told, we have run out of food and there is only camel**** to eat.Well whats the good news they asked?Theres plenty of it they were told! :| :| :| :|
On 28 Feb 2009 at 11:09am dave2 wrote:
Rumour has it intersport of Lewes are using Jade goody in her wedding dress
to advertise there products ..............SHUTTLE COCKS
On 28 Feb 2009 at 11:28am cato wrote:
NOT FUNNY DAVE 2.Someone elses misery is not cause for laughter!
On 28 Feb 2009 at 12:46pm dave2 wrote:
Cato What about the poor Camel ??? doesn't that have feelings too ?
It's a joke thread I'm Not the first and wont be the last to post about this subject if we are taking the high road why not have a pop about the gary Gliiter joke or the jake tweedy joke plus all the others in the previous joke thread.
On 28 Feb 2009 at 1:18pm Talent Scout wrote:
I don't find your joke offensive Dave, but I don't find it very funny either. Actually I am not sure I understand it, as I have never heard the expression 'shuttle cocks' being used like that, though I get the point. Still each to his own.
The reason why it might be considered a little bit tasteles is that unlike Gary Glitter, Jake Tweedy, and some camel-sxxt, Jade Goody, has commited no crime, and isn't literally 'crap'. Instead, she is a young mother dying of a particularly horrendous form of aggressive cancer.
On 28 Feb 2009 at 7:15pm cato wrote:
I have to say I had not looked at them.but I take your point now I have.Incidently the camel was only giving up its ****not its life!Whatever anyones feelings are about Jade, nobody surely would wish that on their worst enemy,would they?
On 28 Feb 2009 at 7:38pm cato wrote:
How do you catch a bear?Cut a circle in the ice put peas round the edge, and when the bear comes for a p kick him in the icehole! ::| :|
On 28 Feb 2009 at 9:54pm jonah wrote:
Police caught 2 youth. One was drinking battery acid, the other one was eating a firework. They charged one and let the other one off!
On 28 Feb 2009 at 10:32pm Joker wrote:
Ummm...Guess that was a very tsteless joke earlier.Sorry all.
On 2 Mar 2009 at 11:49am Frak wrote:
Was still funny though. And when you decide to live your life in the public eye and make a (massive) amount of money from it you can't expect eveyone to love you and think 'oh brave jade'.
On 2 Mar 2009 at 4:32pm whatsitallabout wrote:
exactly. No one deserves to have cancer but she is and always was a talentless fame hungry persion with a nasty streak. Having this disease does not make her an angel. This is my opinion and it will not be changed, and i will not be back on here so go ahead slate me all you want. i couldnt care less.

This thread has reached its limit now
Why not start another one


Burning Crosses in Lewes 15:132
Burning Crosses in Lewes

This is a sad and infuriating subject, as so much misinformation is pushed, and the far-right lap it up as their truth. I was... more
If freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.
George Washington