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Selfish to have children?

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On 1 Aug 2017 at 7:46pm Shirley wrote:
I've concluded that I am not going to be able to afford to help my young adult children to get on to the housing market. I am still paying off my own mortgage. I feel really guilty that I can't afford to help pay for the very thing they need the most - a home.
When I look back, I had children for my own reasons - my husband and I wanted to have a family of our own and I wanted children to love and take care of. Bringing up my children were the true golden years of my life, it was a truly magical and happy time.
But now that I can't help them financially to buy a property, I have started to wonder, is it selfish to have children unless you know you can fund them well in to adulthood? They work hard my kids, have good jobs, but they can't afford to buy anywhere to live.
I didn't think about their financial situation 25 years down the line when I had them, I just marvelled at the miracle of creation and joyous at the love in my heart for them. But that love can't provide for them now that they need homes. Only money can - which I haven't got enough of!
So, was I being selfish?
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 7:54pm Horseman7 wrote:
You gave them, and still give them, love. They couldn't wish for better than that.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 8:08pm Reality check wrote:
Most people will have to get used to less spacious homes. It is quite possible to have a great life without owning a house or even a car. So, don't feel guilty and don't let anyone tell you you owe your children. Chances are they could afford to buy in a cheaper area.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 8:10pm Since when... wrote:
... has it been the parents responsibility to buy homes for their kids? I don't know anyone who has done that. When exactly are you expecting your kids to start making decisions and taking responsibility for themselves if they have everything on a plate? So, in answer to your question, No, you were not and are not being selfish.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 8:32pm Shirley wrote:
I don't mean I wish to buy them a house outright, no, I mean I wish I could afford to give them enough of a sizeable deposit on a home so that they could then get a mortgage on the rest, so that they could buy a home.
Thank you Horseman7, what a kind gentleman you are.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 8:34pm Over 30 raver wrote:
These long anecdotal posts are getting to frequent and obvious now. OP, where in Lewes do you live? Your a good act but on too long.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 8:45pm Earl of Lewess wrote:
People have children for all sorts of reasons, so it's difficult to generalise, but as far as housing goes, my mum shared the upstairs of a semi-detached house with her parents and three siblings. She and her sister sat on wooden boxes when the chairs were occupied. It wasn't ideal, but they still managed to lead a normal family life, working, entertaining friends and go to school and church. Perhaps we'll end up going full circle, unless the housing situation is finally tackled. In the meantime, I don't think it's selfish to have a child or two, particularly if you raise them to become hard working, tax paying adults.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 9:28pm Housing shortage wrote:
No you are not selfish to have children, but there is a housing shortage in the South East, many young adults have no chance of getting on the property ladder. Maybe due to your social standing they can not get on the list for 'affordable housing', but it does amaze me how we find housing for illegal immigrants and so called refugees, who the so called EU say we must take in.
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 10:23pm Daily mail wrote:
Clever trolling from daily mail reader. Google it
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On 1 Aug 2017 at 10:55pm Working class wrote:
I was brought up to work for my income, but since so much of my taxes go on people that don't, all my kids are told take what you can from the system, before the illegals and refugees take it, because there will be nothing left for UK born.
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 7:20am Roving Reporter wrote:
Google what, Daily mail?
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 9:41am The Greek wrote:
All we ask is that the older demographic stop voting in endless Tory govts and Brexit which only exacerbate the situation. Interesting how people always attack foreign immigration, but not immigration within our own borders. I have moved to near London for work, along with many of my peers from all over the country, because the economy is so imbalanced and that is where the opportunities are. I feel this is putting the most pressure on housing in the south east.
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 12:38pm The Geek wrote:
The O.P can't be from Lewes, the prose is too accurate, as is the punctuation.
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 12:44pm Just me wrote:
You can't judge what housing (or anything) will be like 25 years down the line.
When you had them, you could well have afforded a second house had the economy stayed the same.
You could be extremely rich when you first have children but this is not saying that you will still be rich when they come to buying a house
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 3:09pm Bob wrote:
I find it difficult to understand how anyone can say having kids isn't selfish. Not having a go at the OP at all - I don't think it's your responsibility to help your kids buy a house in adulthood - it's their responsibility. And once you have kids then giving them love, bringing them up well and taking care of them is selfless, and it appears that's what you've done.
But, the very act of having children is a selfish one isn't it? YOU want to perpetuate your genes, YOU want something to love and raise, YOU decide to bring a life into a troubled and difficult world. I can't see how anyone can say it's not selfish to do that.
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 3:16pm Nobody wrote:
The Virtue of Selfishness. Ayn Rand.
First you have to question why you think ( if you do?) that selfishness is a vice. Anything creative generally comes from ego so unless you want to be a slave you have to embrace the self.
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On 2 Aug 2017 at 5:09pm Onan wrote:
I embrace the self and tug.
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 8:36am roger wrote:
mothers have got NO idea this day and age, they want kids cause there friends have got them, or having a child gets them into housing quicker,[which it can do!] and when they try and bring them up some of them suffer cause the mothers still want to work full time and still want to go out pubbing and discos etc so the childs upbringing and love needed is not there when they need it.
Its the man [if he still around] to support the child and mother while the mother brings him or her up . if a couple cannot afford to have children then do not! and stop relying on handouts from and benefits. that def no way to bring a child into this world.
Think the majority of mothers that get pregnant think its a life time of free benefits and take that path so they do not have to work in there teen years
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 10:29am Sam wrote:
Roger dear, you seem to have mummy issues. Do try to sort them out rather than projecting them onto the general population.
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 11:08am roger wrote:
being a father and a mother of 3 . thats a single parent sam!its not hard to see how modern day mothers think, your prob a single parent on benefits !
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 11:11am roger wrote:
i bring my kids up properly sam!
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 1:13pm Jessica wrote:
Roger do not judge others this way when you don't even know the difference between 'there' and 'their'.
You sound more thick than the women you are going on about in your misogynistic ramblings.
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 2:04pm A young girl from wrote:
Cape Cod thought babies came from God. It wasn't the almighty that crept up her nightie, it was Roger from Lewes, the sod.
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On 3 Aug 2017 at 7:00pm Don't tell me Roger wrote:
But I get the distinct impression that you voted Tory and for Brexit. You can tell from your post that you think everyone is out trying to take something from you., not like in your day when Britain was great, eh.


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