Lewes Forum thread

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Home share

On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:13pm Shirley wrote:
I'm a single mum to a five year old boy (and ten year old twins that live with my ex partner and visit in school holidays) and am about to sell what was the family home. I'd love to buy and I have some equity, but will struggle to buy again on my own. I'm thinking to explore the idea of buying with another single mum (or dad) as with two employed adults, you can get more for the money and share the mortgage and bills etc. Am I mad to be even giving the idea any thought?
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:15pm Shirley wrote:
PS I would also consider renting with someone too. I just need enough space to have my older children stay in the holidays!
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:30pm Englishman wrote:
It seems that you have had an opportunity in life, and blown it.
Try and find a relationship with another man so that you can settle down to a happy family life, for the sake of your young son.
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:35pm Mme B wrote:
Be VERY careful, Shirley. Don't even think about setting up a financial arrangement with a total stranger, even if they do have children. And don't rush into any relationships. I don't want to spell it out, but certain people are known to prey on single women with children.
My advice would be to get yourself somewhere that you can afford, even if it means you have to sleep on a sofabed in the sitting room.
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:45pm Good heavens! wrote:
Please tell me the judgemental, shaming (and clueless as to any facts) post made by 'Englishman' was a joke. Is anyone really that insufferable in their superiority?
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:49pm Brussel Sprout wrote:
Imagine! a woman that possibly doesn't want to have a relationship with a man?............ surely not. Englishman, the lady in question gives no details as to the reasons for her break-up and it's not what she has come here to seek advice on. Shirley, were I in your situation it would be something I would consider too, as long as it were with the right person and the legal stuff was well thought out. I hope you find a solution for your situation.
On 19 Nov 2013 at 7:57pm diligent wrote:
Why do you have to sell the family home? I don't know your details but I should think you have a right to occupy it until your youngest child turns eighteen. I hate to say be careful because in life one has to take risks to truly live. However a secure roof over your head - as your statement 'I'd love to buy attests' - is necessary in order to have both freedom and stability.
Could you buy something modest for now or maybe use a housing association to organize a part ownership deal?
I was a single parent for many years; having my own roof over my head - which I battled to keep - allowed my family and I stability and confidence. I wish you well - wish I could conjure up the right person for you to share buy with - it's a brave plan.
PS What about a place where you could sublet a room - to give you extra tax free income plus domestic company?....
On 19 Nov 2013 at 9:34pm Border Control wrote:
OMG. Is this thread for real ?
On 19 Nov 2013 at 10:13pm Tipex wrote:
Englishman - you're not an Englishman, you're at best a heartless Martian.
Border Control - yes it's for real. Amazing isn't it; a thread on this site trying to help out someone clearly desperate and just wants to do the right thing for her family. Anyway I'm sure she appreciates your contribution.
On 19 Nov 2013 at 10:21pm Lewes resident wrote:
hi Shirley if you would consider selling privately please get in touch, we are looking for a house and ready to move, cheers and good luck
On 19 Nov 2013 at 11:49pm Border Control wrote:
Surely, Tipex, isn't advertising for someone to live with, buy/rent a house with on here, or any computer site the equivalent of wandering up Oxford Street asking all and sundry the same question ? That to me seems plain dumb !! Get real.
On 20 Nov 2013 at 12:27am Unemployed banker wrote:
I am looking for an opportunity to invest in a property with someone, maybe we can do business?
On 20 Nov 2013 at 8:07am Annette Curtin-Twitcher wrote:
Without knowing all the ins and outs of your finances it's hard to advise, really. I'd steer clear of buying or even renting with a stranger though. Your child (and you!) need a period of stability and sharing can be fraught. I used to rent a room in my first house and in 9 years I only ever had one lodger I felt really ok about sharing with, apart from those who were friends beforehand.
Even buying/renting with friends can be very tricky. I've known housesharing cause many a falling out between friends.
Would it be possible for you to use your equity to buy somewhere to rent out in a cheaper area, maybe with a friend or family member, and use the income from that to go towards renting a place to live in? At least that way your deposit pot won't shrink in relation to market prices over time.

Or could you get a housing association shared ownership place? That has the advantage of the rented portion being eligible for housing benefit if you're on a low income, and having capital won't exclude you from claiming as you'll have spent it on the share you buy.

Make sure you get good advice re mortgages. We used a mortgage adviser and found we could borrow a truly shocking amount of money, despite not being on high incomes and only being able to borrow over 11 years because of our ages. It was more than 10 times what my existing mortgage company were prepared to lend, and at less than half the interest rate.

I also think you should get advice re the sale. It is usual for the partner who has the kids(s) with them to keep the house until the youngest is out of full-time education or 18, whichever is the later.

Also get benefit advice. turn2us.org.uk has an online benefits calculator that tells you exactly what you may be entitled to.

I really feel for you, relationship breakdowns cause so many housing and financial problems.
On 20 Nov 2013 at 9:14am Clifford wrote:
Interesting thread, where we've seen the best and the worst of Lewes (Yes, I'm taling about you so-called 'Englishman').
On 20 Nov 2013 at 2:25pm Andy wrote:
An idea: How about stretch to a bigger place, rent the rooms to foreign students during term time only. Students leave in holidays giving you room for your twins to visit?
On 20 Nov 2013 at 5:09pm First Aider wrote:
Have you heard of Laughton Lodge, a housing collective just outside Lewes? Something of that sort might keep costs down enough to make buying affordable after all, as well as perhaps being a supportive kind of place to be at a difficult time. I'm sure there are other, similar set-ups if you google a bit. Good luck.

Check it out here »
On 20 Nov 2013 at 5:48pm Annette Curtin-Twitcher wrote:
The places at Laughton Lodge are fabulous. I'd love to live there!
On 21 Nov 2013 at 11:45pm Unemployed banker wrote:
Please go live there annette..
On 19 Dec 2013 at 9:26pm Shirley wrote:
Hi everyone,
Thanks to all, we'll most of you, for your really supportive comments and suggestions. Englishman, FYI my ex partner was a women and I have no intention of forming a new relationship with anyone, for a very long time! The relationship end ( almost 19 years) has been devastating but I have to pick up and move on, for the sake of my son.
I went self employed and part time a year ago, to spend more time with the kids (seems ironic now) and now of course it's difficult to get a mortgage on my own as I've only got one year of accounts Anyway, I'm still trying to work it out, the house is on the market and I'm looking at all options!
Thanks again people, that's why I want to stay in Lewes, lovely people

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