Lewes Forum thread

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Friday joke thread

On 25 Feb 2011 at 12:36pm MuttsNuts wrote:
A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.

As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him.
To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade.
Realising his employer won't be best pleased;
He disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house,

He is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.

He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both.

What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself,

Because lions eat anything.

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moved on to the last job, Which is to collect honey from the South African bees.
As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees.

He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp.
By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.

He wanders up to the other lions and says

'What's the food like here?'

The lions say:

'Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy bees.
On 25 Feb 2011 at 12:49pm 'ere be monsters wrote:
Where's that tumbleweed emoticon I was asking for last week Webbo?
On 25 Feb 2011 at 4:22pm jrsussex wrote:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
On 25 Feb 2011 at 4:40pm Stony Broke wrote:
My wife must be very successful, as she still manages it and we are not even married any more!! Thats not a joke I hear you say...You are telling me!
On 26 Feb 2011 at 12:01pm popeye wrote:
A woman asked her husband if he would mind looking after her disabled mother and their cat whilst she went on holiday for a well deserved rest. Ok he replied. A week later she phoned him to find out how things were, well he said bad news the cat is dead. Dead she replied you could have broken it to me more gently. Like how, he replied. Well you could have said he was playing on the roof when he slipped fell off and landed rather badly and after a while he passed away. That is more tactful than just saying he died. By the way how is mum? Well he replied she was playing on the roof. By the way Stoney Broke there must be loads of fellows feeling like you do. Chin up you are not on your own.

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